Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Reflections

There are surprises cradled in every new day. It's the run-up to another Feast, and I can't help but reflect on where I was a year ago--caught up in the tornado trial of preparing to move to Ireland. And here I am... back in the same place but not where I started. I think about the person I am now and the person I was then. I think I've learned some prudence and maybe some patience too.

In some ways I think I'm more spontaneous now. Even the best laid plans don't always yield the results you expect. I follow my impulses more, and in some way, that might make me freer. I'm much more inclined to take off my shoes and run outside in the rain just because I feel like it than I was a year ago.

Everything is a choice. I don't believe in blaming anyone for who I am or what challenges I face. Does it even matter who's at fault? Maybe sometimes I'll suffer trials because of the mistakes others make, and while I may struggle not to point the finger, in the grander scheme of things, it's just another opportunity to grow. It's hard to keep things in perspective. This life is a training ground to teach us the fruits of the spirit and the fruits of corruption. An illustration of right and wrong and the consequences that result. It's a challenge to learn to uphold godly principles in a satan-driven world.

As I enter into another relationship, as I pull down my defenses bar by bar and risk getting hurt, the theme of choice is foremost in my mind. I can choose to be afraid, to pull back, to refuse to get too emotionally involved. Relationships are dangerous stuff after all. But I'd hate myself if I did that, and even worse, I'd be left to regret the chances I didn't take.

Every day and every moment I decide whether to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good girlfriend, a good employee, and a good Christian. One day I may get married and have kids, and then I'll have to decide to be a good wife and a good mother. The choices never stop.

And so, instead of being afraid, I'll pour that energy into being the best I can be for you. Maybe it will be enough and maybe it won't, but I promise I'll give it all I have. And if one day we part ways, well, there will be more choices to make about who we'll be, but in the end I think we'll make each other better.

I wonder what kind of reflections I'll have a year from now.