The Point is to Kill

A few weeks ago, I was in Toys R' Us wasting some time. It was the store in Times Square and I'd never actually gone inside before, but my mom and I were waiting for a musical on Broadway to start so we decided to go in.

I've never been much of a gamer, but I played my fair share of nintendo and sega genesis as a kid, so it isn't too surprising that I gravitated almost immediately to the video game section. Mostly, I was curious. I guess I was wondering if I would find anything there that I could get into. Part of me misses the hours-a-day I used to spend playing Zelda, or maybe it's not that I miss it, but simply that I tend to get nostalgic over things.

Anyway, I found a random demonstration console that wasn't being used and decided to give it a try. I can't really remember what platform it was now, but the game featured a little alien guy running around the streets of a city.

My first impression was: "Okay, Little Alien Dude. I like sci fi, so this is a good sign. And ooh, look, he's got a little ray gun. Look at that futuristic technology. Cute."

After this my brain thought something along the lines of, "Sooooo... now what do I do, Little Alien Dude?"

I ran around a bit, got hit by a few cars, and then noticed there were pedestrians walking on all the streets and that everytime I passed one they would cower and seem to beg for their lives. Hmmm... I tested out my ray gun. Now really, I didn't mean to actually hit any of the people, but being that I was running around in circles shooting aimlessly, it was really only a matter of time. So the person dies and I get points. Despite how horrified I was, I shot someone else. It was a woman and man walking together (husband and wife?!?). I shot the man and the electricity jumped from the man to the woman and took them both out.

I blinked. I really couldn't do much else.

A little kid walking behind me broke my horror-induced paralysis.

"Hey!" he said. "I have that game! It's awesome!"

I looked over my shoulder. The boy standing there couldn't have been more than nine or ten.

"What's the point of it? Just run around and shoot people?" I asked.

He nodded and grinned. "Yup. Just shoot everyone. It's great!"

I can't remember if I responded or not, but I do know that I dropped the controller soon after and walked hurriedly away. The incident has bothered me for weeks.

Now, I've definitely never taken a strong stance against violence for entertainment. I've never loved it either, but I guess I avoided forming any strong opinions. Braveheart was one of my favorite movies for a while. I spent many years obsessed with various superheroes (and superheroes do kill, by the way). I did the X-Files thing back in the day. I love anime and manga (though there's plenty of pacifist stuff out there to suit the non-violence agenda. Just take a look at Rurouni Kenshin--the manga, not the anime if it can be helped). Anyway, what I'm getting at, is that the senseless killing affected me a lot more that day in Toys R' Us than I ever remember it affecting me before. Maybe it had something to do with that little kid's enthusiasm. If somebody put a real gun in his hand, would he have that same enthusiasm?

I feel like I sound paranoid saying all this, but, judging from the way things are going and what is prophecied to happen, maybe it's not.

In general, I've been getting less and less tolerant of pointless violence. When I saw X3 (which was a huge disappointment for lots of reasons), I was upset by the scene where Magneto moves the Golden Gate Bridge. Yes, ooh, aah, Magneto is so kick-ass cool and he's got such amazing powers and boy, is he evil. Yippee.

Meanwhile, cars are sliding into the ocean and civilians are being crushed.

I felt like raising my hand and saying, "Umm... Hey guys, does anyone care that several hundred people just died?"

Oh, but wait, silly me, we're too busy watching mutants doing kamikaze runs at each other with all sorts of lethal and unoriginal superpowers. Oops, my bad.

Sorry for my sarcasm, but I really, really, didn't like that movie.

My point in all this? I feel like something is changing inside of me. I wish I could say it's because I'm becoming closer to God, but that's not true. I'm actually struggling a lot right now, but despite that, I can still feel that something is terribly wrong with our society. An aspect of it that I used to ignore before has now become important to me. In the last days, a lot of people are going to die. It won't be a movie or a game; it will be real. If I take death casually, then I can never really understand what it means when God predicts destruction. How can I truly motivate myself not to be Laeodicean and to prepare myself for the tribulation if I'm too desensitized to really believe in it.

Many people will die. Many people are dying. That means something real.

Do I understand that? Do any of us?

We are certainly blessed to know that death is only temporary, and I think I used to justify watching lots of people die in movies with that thought. I'd insensitively think, "Oh, well. They'll be resurrected in the Kingdom anyway." I don't think that way anymore, because I was missing the point then. It's not the person who dies that suffers, but those left behind.

I don't really know where I'm going with all of this. These are just some things that have been on my mind lately. Maybe I'm not saying anything more profound than: I like pacifist manga.

Maybe this is all part of my hero complex. If I could save the world, I would. If I could take a bullet for someone, I'd do that too. Unfortunately, that sentiment is much too based on pride, but that's another story.

On that note, I conclude.